The past can be everpresent in many of our lives. Nostalgia, regret, joy, grief, and trauma can be the building blocks for where we are in this moment and often what we believe will shape our future—for better or worse. As we weather what is often the tempest of our lives (this messy middle) today, I would like to talk about something more salient in the present day for many women in midlife—memory loss.
In conversations with so many women, a big topic is that while we feel smarter in some ways than ever and more confident, we often don’t feel as sharp. Usually, it comes in a joke format about, say, walking into a room and forgetting what you went there for or having trouble focusing on the reason you went to Target … all the people and things... and then there is the plain old forgetfulness. When my oldest daughter was much younger, she made a sign that she hung on the door with a picture she drew of my phone, wallet, and keys. She still likes to recount when we ran out of the house to catch the bus and get to school, only to discover I was still in my slippers. It makes sense. We are always trying to do so much. But then something different happens.
One helpful way to understand these changes is to imagine the mind as a filing cabinet. When we are younger, our brain’s filing system is highly efficient, allowing us to quickly store and retrieve information. As we age, this filing system slows down. The “files” in our brain are still there, but accessing them takes more time and effort. This is why we might experience moments of forgetfulness or struggle to recall names and details as quickly as we used to.
In cases of dementia, this filing cabinet analogy becomes more extreme. The files are not just harder to access; in some cases, they have disappeared or become irretrievable. This distinction helps explain why typical age-related memory lapses differ significantly from the more profound memory loss associated with dementia. Understanding these differences can help us manage our concerns and seek appropriate support when necessary.
During menopause, the decline in estrogen levels significantly impacts brain function. Estrogen protects brain cells from damage and supports cognitive function. When estrogen levels drop, it can lead to increased inflammation in the brain and reduced synaptic plasticity, which is the brain’s ability to form new connections between neurons. This reduction in synaptic plasticity can make it harder to learn new information and recall existing memories. This hormonal shift can lead to brain fog—a term commonly used to describe the mental fatigue and lack of clarity that many women experience during this time. It includes forgetfulness, confusion, and difficulty concentrating. Additionally, any emotional instability can exacerbate these issues, making it harder to focus and remember things.
ADHD symptoms in women can also significantly increase during this time due to these hormonal changes. The symptoms—difficulty concentrating, memory fog, and problems with organization and attention—almost identically align with menopause-related cognitive issues. Fun times.
While these experiences feel altering and, in many ways, impact our daily lives, seeking help through medical professionals and your community will offer guidance and support. And remember that this, too, shall pass. As Diane von Furstenberg says, “There is no such thing as ending. It’s evolution. We are all part of nature. And we evolve into something else.” This perspective is helpful when we are in the thick of it and quite literally can’t find our way out (or remember the road to turn onto.) Change is rarely easy, but through it, if we allow ourselves to tune in to our bodies, we can grow.
I don’t want to minimize the difficulties of this experience. I, for one, can acknowledge that it’s a long and challenging road to not feel like yourself; however, knowing that others are going through the same thing can provide comfort and strength. And when the weight of it all feels overwhelming, sometimes the best thing we can do is make a list, keep track of the things we can control, and have a laugh.
In solidarity,
Ali, Forty Fifty
If you like this post, please do ❤️ it as it allows for further visibility on Substack, which allows us to continue doing our thang. xo
ICYMI
The Bloody Truth about Menopause by Enia, Age 42
I entered middle age completely ignorant about menopause. Here's what I knew: you stopped getting your period (a win as far as I was concerned). Sure, I'd heard about "hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings" since those are the symptoms that the media is obsessed with reporting. But I was entirely in the dark about all the other things that came with it. Read her story.
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How Menopause Changes the Brain
Know the facts, seek help, and do not panic.
Dr Mosconi is the author of the bestselling THE MENOPAUSE BRAIN (2024); THE XX BRAIN (2020); and BRAIN FOOD (2018). Dr. Mosconi’s popular TED talk “How menopause affects the brain” has been viewed over 4 million times since its release.
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