I was inspired by a LinkedIn post written by Maryam Banikarim outlining some takeaways she got from hearing the renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel speak. The topic of self-care is something I have been struggling with, especially post-pandemic, as while I appreciate how important it is to tend to ourselves, take care of ourselves, and do the work it takes to be physically and mentally healthy, a lot of the self-care rhetoric and trends go so deep on the concept of “self” we forget about the concept of “we.” What does it look like to tend and care as a collective?
Perel’s insights provide a thought-provoking perspective on our societal changes. The systems we’ve built to streamline our lives are, in some ways, isolating us. The rise of social media and the impact of the pandemic have eroded our social skills, making us less attuned to each other and our shared influences. While self-care is important for personal well-being, it often comes at the cost of our relational bonds.
Life is inherently complex and nuanced, yet we tend to oversimplify it into binary categories of good or bad, black or white. Finding ways to come together, coexist, and care for individuals and the collective is critical. Compromise is often undervalued, but it’s essential for creating practical solutions where both sides gain. As societal divisions increase, engaging with those we disagree with, listening, and finding common pathways is critical. This act requires vulnerability and strength, the opposite of surrender.
In these divisive times, it’s hard not to fluctuate between the Player and Victim mentality. It’s also hard to know which game you should play. Short-term wins? Long-term gains? If the problem feels outside your control to solve, it might be natural to lean towards self-preservation. Should I be resilient? Should I see all these experiences as longer-term lessons? I cannot see the forest for the trees by focusing on myself, but maybe that’s necessary for recovery, to re-anchor ourselves.
I have been processing this as I experience my own uncertainties and figure out the best ways to proceed. Applying it to being in a space where you have no control, no answer, and no clear path forward. If you take the M-E mindset, is it ego, self-preservation, or narcissism? Does it matter? Is it wrong to look out for yourself? I know my generation was taught it was, even as I watched my parents do just that. Finding balance takes a beat.
The most profound rewards in life stem from meaningful connections and relationships. Personal achievements can bring a sense of accomplishment and pride, but they often pale compared to the deep satisfaction derived from nurturing and sustaining those relationships. Through these connections, we experience genuine joy, support, and understanding – providing a sense of belonging and purpose and enriching our lives in ways that individual successes cannot. They teach us empathy, compassion, and the value of mutual respect and cooperation. In a world that often prioritizes individual achievement, it’s crucial to remember that our greatest fulfillment comes from the bonds we build and the love we share with others, in community.
Ali, Forty Fifty
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As I am technically on family vacation this week, I won’t be posting links in this issue. I will post more next week (or maybe even as I find them).
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